Hey pals,

On 4th October I turned 30.

I’ve been having a bit of a moment around this milestone as it feels like it is time to decide some things about my future. I mean it is also my first Saturn Return, having a crisis is kinda the whole deal.

Saturn Return is all about responsibility and maturity. The Saturn Return is when the planet Saturn returns to the same position it was in the time you were born and stays there for like 2.5 – 3 years. Saturn Returns are about reflecting (self and otherwise) growing and going through challenges that change you. (I have to say I have had enough of those challenges now, please it is enough, let me rest)

The planet Saturn specifically brings structure. It is the ruling planet of Capricorn (my great grandmother’s star sign, I don’t think it is a coincidence that I am becoming more and more like her and recognising it during my first Saturn Return) It symbolises self control, boundaries, and your limitations. Saturn’s positions in our charts can help show where we may have blocks or struggles in life… time to re-google my chart.

Welp, my chart shows my Saturn is in Pisces, which is where Saturn is at the moment. Apparently it is time to get serious about my dreams. (I thought I’d been doing that… but ooookay!)

The usual irony of opposing elements being combined is very Libra Sun of me. Saturn in Pisces are at such opposite ends. Saturn is rigid, limitations and boundaries, where Pisces is is very woo-woo intuition and openness. Plus Pisces is the oldest sign in astrology it’s almost beyond elder, and more into wise ancestor territory which is the one main connecting factor between saturn and Pisces. These two combined can compliment each other to find a middle ground, or can ease too far either way. I have definitely fallen fool to charismatic and outwardly kind people and it took me years to find where my boundaries even lay that I basically didn’t have any for most of my life. This has turned into me having continued inner conflict when upholding boundaries. It is important to me and my well being to uphold them, but when people overstep them… are they really a friend? Or am I allowing people to overstep because I understand why?

This quote from an article I’m reading (to try and verbalise what on earth Saturn in Pisces is and how that is represented in my life) explains it quite well “it will require that we actively listen to our bodies, thoughts, and emotions, and choose for ourselves which rules we want to live by. Remember: Saturn is about steady persistence over time“ – it’s a journey of self discovery where our personal comfort lies and whether it is serving us and what we expect from people in our lives. (Ironically, I did make a boundaries post on here for reference with online interactions)

Something noteworthy about my great grandma is that she was always firm in her boundaries and beliefs. If you didn’t respect them, you were out (sort of). One anecdote I remember being repeatedly told to me was if her father was late home for dinner, he would have to eat it cold as she wasn’t waiting and wasn’t warming it up for him. If he didn’t respect her time, she moved on. I used to find this wild and funny, now I still find it funny but I also find it quite inspiring particularly for the period she grew up in. It would have been unthinkable to almost ‘punish’ your father pre-World War 2, and for many years after it, for disregarding you or your time. She was a woman that decided her own rules, like the quote I used above. And I think, unfortunately, our society has led to this being very normalised (not respecting people’s time) because this is a problem I’ve faced all my life, but I noticed how bad it was once I became an adult or at times where I wasn’t conveniently accessible to people I thought were my friends.

The last Saturn in Pisces was 1993-1996 which is some of my favourite fashion, culture and music that I often return to from media. Kurt Cobain died just under 6 months before I was born and he was a Pisces Sun himself… but also a Pisces Saturn. He died during his first Saturn Return. I can’t lie, this Saturn Return has been hard on my mental health and I can see how that would happen.

I also really love this paragraph from the article I mentioned “As Saturn returns to Pisces for the first time since this period, we’re reminded why it’s so important to question social narratives if they don’t have everyone’s interests at heart. Delusion, conspiracy theories, and brain-washing schemes can flourish with Saturn in this sign, but remember, you can always think for yourself.”

The astro cafe website describes Saturn in Pisces as “Misanthropic, with a sullen humor. They like to live in solitude, in contemplation, preferring to work alone. May be suspicious of the intention of others, religions, faith. May suspect that others’ innocence or compassion is insincere. Feet and ankles may need extra attention.“

Whilst I am not a general humankind hater, I definitely am when it comes to what a certain population of the world does and has been doing to others for… centuries. And yes, it has made me quite sullen generally and in my sense of humour. Really, this little paragraph is probably one of many I commented on in a video I made quite a while ago now where I went through my chart and commented on what parts were very autistic- or ADHD-coded… and… this is definitely autistic-coded as hell. Plus, the feet and ankles were my first signs of a hypermobile condition since I regularly rolled my ankles at least once a day for most of my life.

Astro cafe also mentions my Saturn being in the 9th House (now I may be an astrology girlie but I never really Got the houses thing) that I am austere, which is a word I do not know… so I had a look.

“very simple, with only the things that are absolutely necessary, especially because of severe limits on money or goods: an austere childhood during the war“

Which almost made me laugh. My great grandma (and great grandad) lived through World War 2 and I feel much of that collective trauma has continued to be passed down my family. I was alive at the same time as her for about 19 years. I knew her, I knew my great grandad, which many people do not have the privilege to say. But I feel like the war trauma and post war struggle was passed down through my lineage so heavily, so directly, that this affected me a lot too even before I became an adult and really understood it. And here we are again in 2024, how many economic crashes have we had? How many times has inflation risen but working wages haven’t?

What did I based my art business on?

I literally started making art again during lockdowns after MANY MANY years… because I couldn’t bare the thought of just throwing out the hundreds of old film photographs from my great grandparents’ holidays through the 80s and 90s because they were so beautiful. I upcycle old materials into new art other people can enjoy. It’s just funny how it lands sometimes.

The more in-depth discussion of what Saturn in the 9th house means is a bit more complex than this short line. Apparently crucial lessons and challenges in my life will usually be around faith, beliefs, ideals, and ethics which I have to say is definitely true. I cannot ignore when values do not align with friends or other loved ones when it comes to things that directly impact others, and I feel very strongly that people shouldn’t ignore those things. The page says I often react with skepticism and doubt, and suffer from spells of cynicism and disenchantment which I have to say is a true bonk on the head: yeah, congrats, you got me.

It then reads my autistic self to filth saying I find security in developing a solid routine and a set of principles or guidelines to live my life by. Living my life like this with structure apparently can be vital to keeping my own conscience clear and stress levels down, trust me I am trying. This next line is almost completely correct bar one point.

“You tend to take topics, studies, and ideas quite seriously, preferring to see things from a logical, conservative, rational viewpoint. You might scoff at philosophies that are less scientific than yours–ones that you feel are too fantastical, floral, inconsistent, or malleable. It’s not easy for you to take a leap of faith.”

I wouldn’t describe myself as conservative in any form, and initially I really rejected this statement as I’ve always been a little magical minded, very autistic changeling vibes. But thinking about it, I have often rejected new ideas initially. An easy example I can think of is to do with queer identities. I definitely felt many of them were “too fantastical, floral, inconsistent, or malleable” until I realised… does it fucking matter? Who cares? My value base is… who cares if it doesn’t hurt anyone?

“It’s important to address the tendency to quickly dismiss new ideas or to assume the role of the ‘law-maker’ in your personal circle, which can be perceived as moralistic or too rigid. If you find yourself being intolerant of others’ beliefs or self-righteous, it’s crucial to pause and reflect. Consider whether you’re taking something too seriously due to your own heavy experiences surrounding belief systems. Embracing open-mindedness and flexibility can lead to a more balanced and inclusive perspective.”

Apparently the solution to all my problems is “patience, resilience, self-honesty, and persistence” which is exhausting to read because yes that is how I got to where I am today… but I don’t want to have to keep doing this forever? It did say something else I found a little too on the nose to be funny, “if you were restricted from pursuing higher education, you might find solace in self-study and perseverance.”

That was a bit of a tangent, so back to the point about the Saturn Return for me specifically! This the Cut article says before your first Saturn Return, you are a mesh of outside influences, and when Saturn… returns… we are forced and inspired to reevaluate our life and ourselves. I personally feel like this process has been going on for me for longer than my Saturn Return has, but it just seems to get more hectic the longer I’m going through it. This is meant to be when you truly enter adulthood, when your first Saturn Return is complete. You’re ready to live your life the way you choose to, pursuing the things you want to be going after. (This article says the current Saturn Return isn’t even done until Feb 2026 and I might have to cry if I am forced to go through ANOTHER YEAR of this but FINE) Ironically the Pisces link with spirituality and the occult is also a theme for me through recent years as I used to heavily believe and commit to some spiritual practices (which will remain vaguely discussed as one of the main points for me was my spirituality was always private and always just for me) but I lost that as I entered adulthood. I occasionally dip my toe in again here and there but I feel very disconnected from it, but also feel a distant voice calling me back during the really hard times. Things have been so bad sometimes I have genuinely said to my friends ‘has someone put a curse on me? Is there something going on with the universe?’ and asked around for some witchy friends to give me advice and help me expel whatever the hell this horrible energy is.

And many of my concerns and problems in my life at this time have been giving me contradictory points and I just don’t know where to go when both sides sound and seem fair and reasonable but I STILL FEEL LIKE CRAP! How do you reconcile the feeling of being abandoned or feeling uncared for by people you love when we live in a hellscape of late stage capitalism, where AI is taking all our dream jobs and everyone is working 40 or more hours a week with no energy or money to do anything else, and no one can afford a home, or privacy… Both things are shitty. But should you put up with being treated poorly and forgotten about? We are ALL going through the hellscape… why should I be the one left behind?

What’s coming for me in the rest of my Saturn Return? Apparently it’s common in your first one to have massive life-changing events (by your own choice or not) like breaking up, making up, changing career, changing where you live, as well as the usual mushy becoming who you really are. I’ve done the last one! I’ve had no one to break up with (lol 6.5 years single) however I’ve definitely had a lot of friendship reshuffling since 2022. The only other thing I hope will come is a change of location. I’ve been hoping and helping make possible the idea of moving and we may be seeing the end of this soon but also moving will cause a lot of problems of its own.

This article goes on to say that Libra specific lessons are around partnership and compromise, and to be honest… I refuse. I don’t think that’s an issue that belongs to me. I have always been willing to compromise, and I have definitely grown since I was last dating and I’ve learned where I’d like to do things differently if the opportunity arose. But to be honest, what I look for in friends and love is such bare minimum, I don’t think I should be compromising. Learning how to be in a partnership, sure, it’s been a long time and I’d consider the me from more than 6 years ago a baby. They had no idea what was going on in their head even though they tried, and I’d like to think that now I understand more I’d be able to communicate that and work with someone on that but… I also just don’t trust that someone would give me the grace I give my partners and friends because it has been proven to me repeatedly. That’s a hard barrier to break down.

I’m still waiting for my persistence and resilience to be fully rewarded by the Saturn Return. I have seen small bits and pieces here and there like when my channel was doing really well on practically every video I posted and when my art business has boomed and I’ve felt appreciated at markets and by indie shops… but I’ve been through so much I know more is coming. At least, it SHOULD be.

Elle magazine also wrote about the Saturn Return and their ideas for rewards sound like what I’m hoping for. I wouldn’t mind coming out the other end of this with my new life partner and career on the up.

“After the Saturn Return, you enter a new stage of life, one that is more structured and settled. While this probably sounded dreadfully dull while you were in your early to mid 20s, post Saturn Return, it’s actually kind of blissful.”

That’s exactly what I’m looking for. I have spent so many years unsettled and floating alone in orbit completely detached from a sense of community, or at the very least a community I have founded and feel held by.

Elle also goes into more detail about the guide through a Saturn Return based on which sign it is in so I guess we dip back into Pisces again.

“A dreamer, creative and healer, your compassionate nature can feel like a blessing and a curse. While you naturally intuit unspoken energy and “vibes,” you can also be a psychic sponge, carrying the weight of the world and everyone’s woes on your shoulder. During your Saturn Return, you could discover your healing gifts, which you may express through anything from medicine to music. You may also have a talent for working with numbers and codes or doing holistic healing. Spiritual and esoteric (specialist or unusual?) pursuits may call you from a young age, (I swear I didn’t read this before my confession earlier) and you may have a strong interest in human psychology. Where you struggle, however, is with setting boundaries. Because you are so accepting, you don’t always realize when people are taking advantage of your kindness (or I’m autistic!) —or leading you down a troubled track. During your Saturn Return, you can learn how to give without making so many sacrifices. Self-protection is also a skill that you need to hone.”

I’m not sure I have much to add to that paragraph, I couldn’t even pick smaller quotes out as it was banger after banger…

I can easily sit here and say all this is because of my Saturn Return. Other articles said it is common for Saturn Returns to feature large political struggles and genocides, and whilst yeah that’s fucked and so scary… when you actually learn a little more about those ‘conflicts’ you realise they have been going on for decades, sometimes longer. And I have learned a lot from the people currently in war zones being targeted by… well… countries like mine.

Something Palestinians specifically taught me was about being less individually minded. Western countries’ left wing are all about being an individual, about being childless, about leaving your family behind… And of course there are very real and legit reasons for doing those things but it has come as a bit of a lefite stereotype to do these things. Palestine’s population in Gaza before last October was almost 50% children (children is anyone under the age of 18) and I wondered, why on earth are there so many kids? Because in my mind last year, I thought it was selfish to have children in the political climate we live in in the UK! So why would people keep having children under occupation?

This may be a real quote from someone, but I cannot find it again. If you know the exact quote and where it is from please let me know in the comments.

Raising revolutionary children is a form of protest.

I’ve seen many people explaining this statement in numerous ways. Some equate it to the sentiment of experiencing joy is a form of resistance, continuing to thrive, continuing your lineage. Continuing to live and continuing to forge a life whilst being oppressed is revolutionary and that includes having children. But also a sentiment I have read other indigenous people discuss that they can understand culturally is the passing on of knowledge, history and care. You do not need to be a bio parent to do these things, but as someone who thought I’d probably never have children for one reason or another… These conversations have opened my eyes. Whether I will have children is still up in the air, but this shone a light on my political and moral weaknesses (in my opinion) around individualism.

I think that old phrase “The revolution, like Saturn, eats its own children… and gives birth to despotism” is just incorrect. I think partly, it depends on which revolution you mean but generally it’s bollocks. It was actually really hard finding information of this phrase as the phrase varies and the origins vary. Eats or devours. Sometimes the end isn’t included at all. But from what I could find, one of the possible originators of this phrase Jacques Mallet du Pan was on the wrong side of the revolution he is referencing. It’s a similar statement I see a lot in America about Communism or Socialism being the same as a dictatorship because the only people they can think of who used these words in their own political propaganda were… just dictators.

Though it is once again funny Saturn is back in the picture in this quote and how relevant it feels to living today. The reference is of a Greek myth where a Titan tries to eat all his children so they cannot steal his power by overthrowing him. If anything, the reference makes more sense to me under capitalism and fascism. I feel like much of my generation and younger have been prevented from accessing any kind of power thanks to the choices of our elders through politics and the prevention of politics being accessible to the average person. All we have now is our iced coffees, avocado toast, and a Google search which gives us an inaccurate AI generated answer.

Anyway, all that to say, I know who I am and I’m very aware of who the government have been and still are. I am just one person trying to carve a life for myself, and help others along the way if I can… whilst absolutely trying to help dismantle whatever shit this is we are being forced to live through. Even if my one ability is ‘teaching’ in the form of sharing my experiences or thoughts, I hope it does something. I am so tired. They do it on purpose to weaken the masses to prevent revolution. But I am also bitter and I am spiteful and I am unyielding. If my suffering can make positive change for others, I’ll continue to endure.

~ Artie

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