Welcome one and all to another new year. I always feel a kind of freedom and excitement about the new year, all the possibilities and chances to improve myself and my life. I’m going to be quite transparent in this post and discuss some of my goals that I wouldn’t normally speak about to anyone. I’ve spent many years having rigid goals, normally about my weight or love life, until I started focusing on just being happier. I wouldn’t call myself ‘happy’, I’d call myself ‘okay’ which is much better than I used to be. Most of my life I was depressed, numb, hollow and would rather not be alive. I hated my body, I hated myself and I hated everyone in my life and only looked to the day I would finally end my life or the day I would escape this place and start again.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t exactly LIKE my body but we are more at peace with each other than we’ve ever been. Due to my physical health rapidly rolling downhill, I have bigger problems than not being skinny. My focus has shifted to trying to be healthier and have a better relationship with my body. I’ve quit smoking, I exercise regularly, I’ve been weight training to gain some strength back and I actually admire parts of my body on occasion. The muscles in my thighs are a current admiration I have. I’ve had to relearn how to care for my body so many times that we are friends now, and we get on no matter how bad things are. So this year I’m not aiming to lose that same 30-40lbs I’ve hated for 6 years, I’m going to build up my strength, work on lean muscle, and hopefully have some visible muscle to show for it. The real aim for this year is just feeling better in my body and understanding what’s going on. If that’s all I achieve, then that’s okay.
I have no resolutions revolving around love. I’m learning not to care about that aspect of my life. I’m learning how to be by myself, take care of myself, and do things I want to do without worrying about someone else or spending so much of my time and energy taking care of someone else. I want to go back to therapy or attend a local mental health group occasionally to keep connected and top up on information. I want to spend more time with people I care about in my life, my family and friends I have right now but don’t see or spend enough quality time with. I want to live in some true connections.
Over the years I have lived, I’ve let my mental health and physical health stop me from going out and doing things. This year I want to go to more places I’ve never been, even places in the UK or near home I’ve just never been to. I’m going to LA for a week in January, I’m looking at West End shows I’ve not seen and want to go to, musicians, comedians, etc. It has been a long time never doing these things because of the effort and the money. I make a little bit of money with my job so I feel like I can and am allowed to go out and do these things. A lot of my friends now live at home again and I’d like to see them and see where they live, two birds one stone. I want to experience more in 2019.
And now onto the boring bits that I really, really don’t ever talk about: career related goals. I want to create a one off online zine this year with other people’s submissions, I want to finally start writing that damn book, and I want to finish a poetry collection.
I also have social media follower goals for 2019 (a snore fest I know, but I feel like I should put this in too)
AT TIME OF WRITING
Currently: 11 followers
By the end of 2019: 100 followers minimum
My facebook page
Currently: 61 likes
By the end of 2019: 100 likes minimum
Currently: 259 followers (but this constantly goes up and down by 10)
By the end of 2019: 300-500 followers
Currently: 726 followers (also goes up and down by 20 constantly)
By the end of 2019: 1,000 followers
Currently: 120 subscribers
By the end of 2019: 200-500 subscribers (I find this one really hard to gain subscribers on compared to everything else so I’ve kept it reasonably low)
I have no reason for writing this but to share my personal journey and goals with my followers and friends, but also to be able to look back on in a year and see what I did and what I didn’t do and figure out why.
I hope everyone has had a good holiday and is starting their new year the way they want to.