A lot of my YouTube content recently has been about my birthday. Things I’ve done and feelings I’ve felt… I didn’t really know what I wanted to post here on my birthday. I wanted to have a positive post gushing about my holiday to Milan but honestly it wasn’t that great. I’ll talk about that some other time.
I’m typing this on my way to see one of my best friends in London. She has been a bit of a birthday saviour this year. I was supposed to have a different friend come down to visit me, who promised me all kinds of things I was reluctant to believe… just more proof that my gut instincts are normally right. And I made a small Facebook event for the locals to come to the pub with me tonight… one was a definite no, no one else even replied. I did message one of them (the other best friend) directly and we are going to go to the pub this evening when I return from London, the others may appear but if they don’t at least I’ve seen my two best friends today.
The time around my birthday is always kinda shitty, this year I had a lot of health problems as usual. Coming off steroids a few weeks ago and having a lot of pain in my stomach but also other parts of my body come back… numerous health professionals giving me phone calls about my blood inflammation levels creeping back up again… my stool sample showing such high inflammation in my bowel that they can’t even give a specific number… just over 600 when the average is 50 or under.
Going to Italy and not being able to eat much and mostly living off bread and balsamic vinegar… maybe some pasta with sauce. Lots of walking because none of the vegan restaurants were near the bus stops, not finding a single cafe that would give me a decent sized coffee with soy milk and going out of my way to get to a Starbucks and it being on of the big ones with merchandise and a canteen? With fucking bodyguards outside ?? Mad. I just wanted a coffee… also being given cows milk before we had even taken off from Gatwick which was FAB. And having reached one year smoke free, Italy isn’t ideal because literally every other person you see is smoking a cigarette or a cigar.
And I can’t forget that my birthday is usually a day I get to gorge on all the sweet foods I love but sadly they all feature dairy so this is a dairy free birthday to prevent an ass explosion.
25 feels weird. It feels adult. And I definitely don’t feel adult. Some of my friends are married with children others are doing their masters. I am bobbing along, not really knowing what I want to do with myself an very far away from having any children (not that I want any right now anyway??) and just continually being unwell.
The one thing I wish for, for my birthday, is that my health reaches a state of remission so that I can function better and live my life a bit more. I want to go travelling this year.
And now I’m ending this post having gotten a little tipsy with one friend, on the train home to see some pals for more drinks in a pub… and I’m not as salty as I normally am around my birthday. ‘As I get older’ everyone says, I realise all I want is to spend time with friends.
See you next week